Paste any Shopify, e-commerce or Instagram link. Get a 0–100 score, a stand-up-grade roast, and a premium playbook to fix what's killing your conversion.
dropshipper.shopCooked“This looks like a 2019 AliExpress survivor wearing a Shopify costume.”
We scan everything customers see in the first 5 seconds — then tell you what's broken.
Shopify, custom site, Instagram — anything public.
Branding, trust, design, mobile UX, conversion, TikTok potential, product appeal.
Shareable score card + concrete fixes that actually move the needle.
dropshipper-vibes.myshopify.comCooked“This looks like a 2019 AliExpress survivor wearing a Shopify costume.”
boutique-paris.comPremium Brand“Clean. Confident. Your CTA actually has a pulse — rare.”
trendy-supplements.ioScam Energy“Three exclamation marks per sentence and zero About page. Customers smell it.”
minimal-decor.shopTikTok Gold“Hero shot eats. This is the kind of store screenshots go viral for.”
From a friendly jab to a full conversion teardown.
For founders shipping weekly.
Agencies + serious operators.
Brutal but never personal. We roast the store, not the human.
Every roast comes with concrete fixes — copywriting, design, trust signals, CTAs. The funny part is the hook. The advice is real.
We save your analysis so you can share it. We never store passwords, payment info, or anything behind a login on your store.
That's the point. Every result has a screenshot-ready card built for vertical video.